Dear Subway,
Hello, my old friend. As you know, I visit you a lot. Like, a total shit-ton. I probably eat there 5 to 10 times per week, and there have been a few things that have been bugging me. It's not me, it really is you, and I want us to have a good relationship going forward, so I feel like I should tell you these things now, instead of letting it drag on and on. I can't make you change, but think about these things, okay?
First, can you please get rid of those god-awful plastic straw wrappers? Seriously, they are *impossible* to open. I usually break two straws before I successfully get one open without damage, and that is just wasteful. Plus, the plastic wrappers do not degrade nicely in our landfills, and every little bit helps the environment, ya know? I know, I know, some people will think you are killing a tree, but at least you won't be using oil to wrap your straws, and you can always sponsor tree-planting programs to help offset your use.
Second, when I'm visiting your store, it's usually just me that I am ordering for. I don't need that huge plastic bag to carry my sandwich and chips in. I'm capable of doing it by myself. I bring this up because it's not that I can't refuse the use of the plastic bag (I often do), it's just that other people don't think about it the same way I do, so maybe it would be nice to give them the option, okay?
"Hi, would you like a bag to carry your sandwich, or can you handle it on your own?" That's all.
TWO layers of paper? Seriously, I'm not sure why you need that little square at the beginning of my sandwich assembly process. The bread usually spends some time bare-assed on that white cutting board for a little while while it is cut, so why do we need that extra square of paper? Any germs that it picks up certainly hasn't killed me yet. Besides, your sandwich artists usually do a great job of keeping those things pretty clean.
Those are the big things that have been bothering me, so I hope you understand. Just pay attention to these things a little more, okay? I still love you, even if you are hanging out way too much with that Jared jerk. He used to be fat, you know.
See you around.
-- I